Lucy Loves (Beatrice Wood)

Beatrice Wood

I Shock Myself

A book worth a second and third read...

What I learned from Ms. Wood

1 Sex is for Love

2 Marriage is for Companionship

3 Art is sex for the mind and love is sex for the soul

4 By having Art in your life you can sustain w/o affections of men for periods of time, by choice or chance

5 Growing out of ones shell can be painful and awkward

6 Rarely will the pain and awkwardness not lead you to the truth, new relationships, and an expanded understanding of love

7 Travel is essential to growth.  Growing from travel is a unique and necessary way to challenge where you are on your path.  In the end all B's travels were part of her path.  Ultimately she found her place, her space to do the things she held closest to her.

Any girl, woman-child, or grown ass woman should read this book to spur life into a passionate frenzy of  calm exploration.

Lucy Loves (truth)



My mother always said, "The truth shall set you free."  I'm sure she was not the first person to say this but she was the first person to say it to me.  Then she drilled it into my head for the rest of my life.  It worked.  I live a truthful life, for the most part.  Lying to others is a no-no; I don't have to poker face to do it or mental capacity to remember lies.  However, lying to myself, easy as pie.

Lying to one’s self can often be labeled as denial.  To quote Wiki, “Someone who is in denial of fact is typically using lies to avoid facts they think may be painful to themselves or others."  No good comes from the practice of lie and deny.

Taking an honest look at myself (yes, the whole ponder where I am, now that I'm a 30 something persists but I am using it for good instead of evil today) the truth was apparent. I have a great life.  Whaaaat? Where was I when all this wonderfulness happened?  Family, friends, travel, 3 jobs I love, and a sister crazy enough to start a business with me.  I may be minus a man friend and some mini mes but hey, I got disposable income and a pretty face.  

This b-e-a-utiful aha moment was brought to me by a children’s book. 

Illustration from Zen Shorts written by John J Muth



This literary gem changed me.  I'm not saying that it will change anyone else but it came to me at the perfect time.  There are three mini tales within, each with a fabled lesson.  The one the grabbed me was about a farmer who had both good and bad things happen to him. His neighbors ever aware of his ups and downs cheer when something "good" happens and empathize when something "bad" happens.  The farmer ever level headed responds, "We shall see..." 

What we see is; that one never knows what's next, how what’s next will change the path, and whether what's in front of us is a "blessing" or a "curse."   

Moral of this moment, "The truth shall set you Zen."  Next.

Lucy Loves (a 31st birthday cliche')

Sometimes life is a bummer; I only see what is not, what is missing, and what would be better if it was different.  This was the theme of my 31st birthday.  I could only hold tight to the feeling that I had failed myself in some way, I was alone, not alone alone, just single alone.  So cliché, so SATC, so not how it really was (as my mother pointed out at dinner).

Leaving the year of 30 would bring more enthusiasm from others than it did from me.  I could have let this birthday go by silently.  To the outside, I had made it through my year of 30 with abundant success and happiness.  I traveled with my best to NM, CO and FL, with my Mommacita and Bean to San Diego, with my last ex bf to San Francisco.  I saw Sean Penn open for the Dali Llama.  I snuck my way onto the field at Wrigley Field to watch the Boss rock. I had a handful of decent lovers and went on plenty of mediocre dates with extraordinary men.  Made up and broke up for the third and final time with the second love of my life, setting us both free. My professions took it upon themselves to weave into the heartbeat of my life, which happily filled the hole where the ex bf had been.

None of it mattered, I was single.  I pouted like a 3 yr old.  I want my partner. I want to make partner decisions before I get set in singleton choices. 

Being an aging singleton means 2 things(well to me right at this moment); one-bedroom skills have been improved so, even if he is subpar in bed, the time together doesn't have to be and two-the patterns in which we live are being poured out like concrete from the back of a spinning truck.  Smoothed, shaped and set to dry.  Hard, immovable and sturdy.  Good luck getting initials and a little heart etched cutely into dry concrete. 

At the end of dinner, just my mom and me, she said "What a wonderful year you had.  You must remember it's what you have that counts, not what you don't."  To which I silently thought, if something is missing, if there is something absent, if there is a hole in my life, how will it get filled, unless I count it too.

Absence of man friend: counted. Cliché of the 31st birthday: resolved.  Next.